Freckles in April: 2017

Monday, July 10, 2017

Marriage After a Mormon Faith Transition

Twelve years ago today a tall, skinny, smart guy (totally my type) asked me for my email address after sacrament meeting at church. You can read more about that here but in honor of the anniversary of the day I met my husband I thought I'd share this post.

My college friend Celeste has an excellent blog devoted to marriage and several years ago she asked me to write a guest post for her about how my marriage survived my change of faith. I had been out of the church for about a year at that point and finally felt like we had reached a happy place. I stand by the post I wrote back then but I've updated it a bit to reflect a couple more years worth of experience and the "new normal" we've settled into. 





When I went through my faith transition I think the thing that scared me the most was that I might lose my husband. We went into our marriage being on the same page and then, over the course of a year or two, it's like I jumped into a completely different book. When we were talking about getting engaged I clearly remember him asking me if I could commit to a life of service to God in our church. At the time I though, "Well of course! I mean, what else would I be doing?" I was raised in our church and couldn't fathom that my faith would ever change.

But my faith DID change. I went from a fully believing Mormon to a questioning Mormon to an agnostic ex-Mormon over the course of about 4 years. It wasn't until the last 6 months of my struggle prior to leaving our church that I even talked to my husband about it. I wasn't sure where to even START and I had heard too many stories of couples in similar situations who ended up divorcing. I was terrified. 

Fortunately I married a good man who loves me even though I couldn't hold to that promise I made so many years before. He told me that it would be silly of him to expect me to never grow and change from the person I was at age 20.

One of the most important things we've done to maintain our marriage during my faith transition is TALK. I try to explain why I find certain things painful or uncomfortable, or I explain the ways in which my understanding has changed, and he listens and asks good questions. He tells me about the good and positive things he sees in the church while I listen and acknowledge that good. We've always been decent at communicating with each other but we've gotten really good at it in the past couple years. 

Aaron's nonjudgmental listening and question-asking are the best things he could have done for me as I struggled. I was feeling so tender and raw and he was earnestly trying to understand where I was coming from rather than convince me of his point of view or change my mind. I knew he was hurting from my changes in belief but he never put that on me or pointed fingers. He has defended me and bolstered me all along the way.



Conversely, I try to be supportive of his continued belief. He finds peace and joy in the church and I have no desire to rob him of those feelings by pushing my own agenda. I attend sacrament meeting with him and our kids every other week. I haven't pushed my beliefs on him and he hasn't pushed his on me. We've let each other be and focused on love. We're far from perfect at it, but we are really trying.

To other couples in a similar situation, this is my advice:

1. Practice GOOD communication. This means no accusing or blaming. Try to understand your spouse before you try to make them understand you. Make your peace with the fact that you probably won't change each other's minds. Talk with the goal of understanding, not converting. Find common ground wherever possible. 

2. Remember that life goes on...and it will look pretty much the same. It may feel like a monumental shift has happened in your home but then you'll realize that you're still going about your day-to-day life and watching Parks & Recreation together while eating Oreos and it's all fairly normal. If you're worried about how much things are going to change you may find comfort in the fact that things probably won't change that much. 

^I got a lot of pushback on this point when my post first went up over 2 years ago and I'd like to edit and say that individual mileage may vary. I heard a lot of stories about spouses who lost their faith and became alcoholics and adulterers. In those cases I'd like to refer to point number 3 below. 

Also, commenters made the point that the husband leaving the Mormon church affects the family a lot more than the wife leaving due to no longer having the priesthood in the home. Side-eye at institutional gender inequality but yes, I understand that point as well and how that adds an extra layer of complications. But, unless your husband was the type to give daily priesthood blessings or something, I'll still argue that your day-to-day won't change much and I think there's a lot of comfort in that. The big days (baptisms, wedding, etc.) will be hard but they're not easy at our house either (maybe someday I'll write about the weirdness of my son's baptism day). Please check out point 4.

3. It's ok to seek professional help. Aaron and I managed to wade through and figure things out on our own but I kept the number of a marriage therapist handy just in case. Going by what I've seen in my interactions with other people who have left the church but have believing spouses, therapy is pretty common and extremely helpful. [edit: I ended up going on my own]

4. Find your balance. Compromise. Bend. Find middle ground together. We have Family Home Evening as often as we ever did (which is to say, not often) but we have it on secular topics like "how to identify and handle your emotions" and "conflict resolution." Scripture and prayer still happen most nights but it's usually just Aaron and our 7-year-old who participate. My family attends church regularly and I go to sacrament meeting with them every other week. Aaron goes to the temple once a month, usually in the early morning hours so he's not leaving me alone with crazy kids at the witching hour after work, which would definitely make me resentful. Set boundaries for what's ok and what's not and make sure that you're being reasonable. No one ever wants to give ground but if you want your marriage to work then you're going to have to. This might mean attending church sometimes with your believing spouse or not freaking out if your ex-mo spouse goes out for a drink with friends occasionally. 

I'd like to point out that this takes time. Possibly a LOT of time. I left the church over 3 1/2 years ago and our balance took a long time to settle. It still shifts occasionally when someone's needs change or there's something we think we can do better.

5. You CAN make it work. I think one of the most helpful things for me was seeing that other people had come through the same thing and were happily making it work. It was proof that we could do it. You're going to have to discuss and compromise and reevaluate and then discuss some more but you'll get there. Finally, at some point you'll look at your spouse and realize, "Hey...we're doing this. And we're ok!" It will always require that you work together, but isn't that the very heart of marriage?

Edit: Sadly, both couples that I was referring to in my last point have since divorced. However, I'm past the point of needing to see other couples making it work in order to have faith in my own marriage. WE are making it work. Honestly, we're about as happy as we ever were before when I was a believing Mormon. We have rough patches but they're the same issues we dealt with before that are mostly due to the fact that I'm prickly and he's a bit clueless. Normal marriage stuff unrelated to religious conflict. We've gotten to a point where church doesn't come up much anymore. He quietly lives his faith in the same way he always has and I barely think about church at all except for when I wake up every other Sunday morning and realize I should probably wash my hair. I'm respectful of his faith and we've been able to find compromise and common ground when it comes to issues that pop up. 

My point is: it's doable. If you're still at the beginning wondering how on earth you're going to make it work, I want to reassure you that you can. It gets easier. Feelings become less raw. Expectations adjust. Everyone sort of settles in and makes some sort of peace with the situation. It takes time but if you're both willing to work at it then you can get there.





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Friday, July 7, 2017

In Which I (Kind Of) Surprise My Husband with a Trip



In December I wrote out my resolutions for 2017 (which, as I go back through, I am seriously rocking that list), including "Take Aaron on a surprise trip."

Last week was the week, my friends.

Aaron is not super happy in Arizona. We're here for the long haul due to deep family and career ties but he loves to daydream about retiring somewhere (anywhere) else. Back in January he made a comment about how we should retire somewhere near both a body of water AND a forest and maybe we should start checking out some potential options. My brain went, DING! TAKE THAT MAN TO TAHOE.



If I had done a shorter weekend trip then I think I could have pulled off a total surprise of the "Pack a bag, we're taking a trip today!" variety but going to Tahoe meant more time and more money (which I didn't feel comfortable spending without his knowledge) so I did tell him that I was planning a surprise trip. Telling him also allowed me to get some input from him when making some trip choices. I gave him two options: we could fly directly to our destination (Reno) OR fly to the nearest big city (San Francisco) and spend a couple days doing the tourist thing there and then drive 4ish hours over to our final destination. He chose the big city option and I think involving him just a little bit got him even more excited.

We stayed at the Marina Inn in the Marina district in SF. It was old and kind of beat but with cool details. Which is basically San Francisco in a nutshell.


I got our SF hotel through Hotels.com and our condo in Tahoe through AirBnB. I also got a couple Groupons for activities. This made it so our credit card statement never showed exactly WHERE we were going, just a general charge through a non-location specific company.

Got a Groupon for Bay City Bikes so we could bike the Golden Gate


I kept the details of the trip a secret for MONTHS only to have Google Calendar spill the beans for me a week and a half before we were to leave.

See, Google likes to be SUPER helpful and when I got confirmation emails about our flights and hotels, it added them to my calendar. Fortunately, I noticed that early on and quickly moved everything to a secret calendar. EXCEPT! Google (again, trying to be helpful) assumed that I wanted to share that calendar with Aaron since all my other calendars are shared with him. So in late June Aaron came to me with guilt all over his face. "I think I know where we're going. It showed up on my calendar today."

SWEAR WORDS.

On the plus side, we spent the last few days before our trip planning more specific things and it was fine. Still, it would have been a lot more fun to just give Aaron his plane ticket the morning of and be like SURPRIIISE.

Maybe next time.

The Brian Head wildfire made for a really dramatic drive through southern Utah


I drove my kids up to Utah so they could spend the week playing with cousins then I caught a super early morning Uber to the airport and flew to San Francisco...by way of Phoenix. There were no direct flights so yeah, I flew back home and then Aaron and I were on the same flight up to SFO.

We spent two perfect days in the city. We ate amazing food and walked (and biked) all over and reeeally enjoyed wearing jackets.

The best places we ate while in SF:

The Grove Fillmore- Recommended by Kristen Pear. We walked the mile-ish from our hotel and had a suuuper yummy breakfast. It was the perfect cozy spot to eat on a foggy morning.

Super yummy breakfast at The Grove
Delarosa- a Yelp find while we were in the area, this place had excellent pizza. We both love burrata and they have a burrata margherita that was SO GOOD. Aaron got spicy coppa on his half but I had mine straight and we both loved it. Perfect little lunch spot.


La Boulangerie de San Francisco - right around the corner from The Grove! We walked the same mile the next morning to get breakfast from this little French bakery. I had the turkey and brie croissant and Aaron had some kind of breakfast sandwich and the sour cherry lemonade before we split a chocolate croissant. All excellent.

We had dinner in Chinatown one night- some of what we ordered was really good, some was pretty mediocre. Not really worth recommending but it DID put us right by Coit Tower so we made the climb and had gorgeous views.



View from Coit Tower

Can you spot Lombard Street there at the back?

We stopped at Ghirardelli Square, obviously. We had to get a hot fudge sundae AND hot chocolate- for balance.

We biked the Golden Gate one day and spent some time exploring Sausalito, which Aaron was completely sold on. The city was chilly and gloomy but Sausalito was warm and sunny and totally bike friendly. We had lunch at Le Garage. The stuffed squash blossoms were REALLY good but everything else was good-not-great, which was kind of disappointing considering how pricey the restaurant was.




June Gloom as we biked across the Golden Gate

On Wednesday evening I discovered I'd made a huge mistake: I somehow didn't book a rental car. The plan had been to pick up a rental car on Thursday morning to make the drive to Tahoe but either something went wrong or I just never clicked "book" but I went through my email over and over and I could not find a confirmation anywhere. We had to book a last minute car and it was DOUBLE the price it had been when I looked 4 months prior. It was painful. I felt awful.

So Thursday morning we picked up our practically gold-plated rental car and drove to Land's End on our way out of San Francisco. I never made it to that area while growing up in the Bay Area and I've always wanted to. It was so so good. We did a small stretch of the trail and saw whales and it was just perfect.


Sutro Baths

There's a little whale plume in the back of this photo

The second part of Aaron's surprise was that his good friend from college, Andrew, and his wife Shawna were meeting us in Tahoe. They arrived in Tahoe shortly after us on Thursday and we had a late dinner with lots of laughs and catching up.

Dorks


We kayaked, swam, hiked, ate and laughed for 3 days. It was the best. We're already planning on taking a trip together again next summer. We said over and over that we were so glad they were there with us. It made the trip just that much better.

Exploring the Truckee River




You know how I'm always linking to cheap bikinis on Amazon? I finally got one and it was awesome. The bottoms were a bit too tiny (like, they sort of exposed my c-section scar) so I usually wore a pair of plain black bottoms with them instead. But I love the top and $20 was totally worth it.

SO GORGEOUS but I kind of wish the water was like 15 degrees warmer. Tahoe is COLD y'all.



Mission accomplished!! Aaron was surprised (I mean, 2 weeks ahead of time, but still! surprised!), we got out of the heat and had so. much. fun.


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Friday, June 23, 2017

The Best Books I've Read This Year (So Far)

I have read so. many. good. books. this year. Half the time I finish a book and think, "This is one of the best books I've read this year." I don't know if I have just gotten really selective or what but there have been very few duds (and those I just returned to the library without finishing. Life's too short for bad novels or yawn-inducing non-fiction).

So here are a few of the best books I've read so far this year and what I loved about them:

Princesses Behaving Badly: Real Stories from History-- Without the Fairy Tale Endings by Linda Rodriguez McRobbie

This was an impulse Barnes and Noble purchase. It was like $6 in the store (it's more expensive on Amazon, boo) so I grabbed it based on the title alone. I got 4 chapters in and ran out and bought two more copies as gifts for a couple feminist friends who I knew would appreciate it.

The chapters are each short-ish stand alone tales of princesses in history and mythology who didn't fit the standard princess mold. There are warrior princesses, mentally ill princesses, murderous princesses, and princesses who ran off with the wrong guy (a couple different times). History can often be too dry for me but McRobbie injects a lot of humor into her writing and I really got into the stories. Also, I really appreciated the bite-sized nature of the chapters- you could sit and read a ten page tale and then go on with your day without having to remember long strings of names and dates and places. Unfortunately, I didn't QUITE finish before I accidentally forgot this book on a nightstand in a Vegas motel. It's possible the last couple chapters were abysmal but going by the 90% I DID read, I'm not too worried. If I come across it again in B&N I'll buy yet another copy.



The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt

I debated between including this one or the also excellent The Righteous Mind (which you should probably also read!) but ultimately decided on The Happiness Hypothesis mostly because I felt like so much of it was applicable to my life and things I have experienced. I've talked to several other people who have said it's one of their favorite books for that reason so I know I'm not alone in that. There's philosophy, religion, economics, psychology, and cognitive science all stirred together and poured out in a wonderfully accessible and cohesive portrait of what happiness is and how to improve our own happiness levels.

Chunks of the book feel a bit self-helpy but I don't think it's really a self-help book. There's definitely information here that could help you make positive life changes but this was definitely more of a psychology or philosophy book for me (my fav).



Losing Our Way: An Intimate Portrait of a Troubled America by Bob Herbert  

The author, Bob Herbert, was a New York Times columnist for 18 years and he quit in order to write this book. I listened to this one and I just remember hiking in the mountains one morning and thinking, "omg I get it." It's no secret that I'm not a Trump supporter but this book helped me finally understand people who are. I found myself a little irked at Obama for not tackling some of these issues and I could see how people might have seen Clinton as more of the same and why they might not be interested in that.

He talks about the collapse of America's infrastructure (I have no desire to cross a bridge ever again) as well as the economic collapse and plight of middle class and the poor. It was incredibly well researched and offered a fantastically well written perspective of an America that I didn't see or understand before.




Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas

I spent the past couple weeks binge-reading the CRAP out of this series. It's not new- the first book came out in 2012 and the fifth book came out last year- but for some reason I only JUST heard about it a couple months ago when I overheard my mom and sister talking about it. Fantasy isn't usually my jam so it took me a while to get around to picking up the first book. But when I finally did, hoo boy. My family didn't hear from me for a while. Pop Tarts for dinner kids, mommy's busy!

The main character is a badass female assassin. There are witches and demons and secret identities and kingdoms to save. Also: a parade of love interests. High five to Maas for keeping things unpredictable in the love story arena! There are also plenty of secondary characters that I actually care about and that doesn't often happen for me in books like this. I'm currently number 83 on the list for the fifth book and I am dyyyying to know what happens next.


There are several more that I could link here but my kids are begging to make cookies and I'm not one to turn down the opportunity to eat cookies. As I was looking at the books I've read so far in 2017 the vast majority are non-fiction. I could use a really good novel- any fiction recommendations?

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Monday, June 19, 2017

Splurge or Save | Bikinis

I go through cycles where I obsessively shop for certain things depending on the time of year. I usually don't even end up buying anything, just the online window shopping itself seems to scratch whatever mental itch I've got going on (I'm sure my psychologist brother would have things to say about that). In any event, lately I can't stop browsing swimsuits. Which means I've got some some knockoffs to share with you!

Standard caveat emptor warning- I can't vouch for the quality of any of these items so make sure you read the reviews and whatnot!



  ModCloth Set the Serene Swimsuit Top and Bottom (several color options) vs CupShe or SeaSelfie on Amazon

$75.99 difference (heads up- reviews are better for the SeaSelfie one over the CupShe one and it's a little bit cheaper!)



Triangl Delilah Fiore Nero suit vs Muxilove Neoprene Bikini

$60 difference

I've had my eyes on Triangl's neoprene bikinis forEVER (I mentioned them back in January) but haven't been able to convince myself to spend that much on a bikini that I'm not totally sure I'll wear (sometimes I feel brave enough for a bikini and sometimes I don't). But $19? Sure. I'd take that gamble.



Mango Molli vs SheIn.

This antler print bikini showed up in my Pinterest feed a while back and I immediately loved it (I even shared it on my IG story) but no way will I ever talk myself into paying $200+ for a swimsuit. The SheIn one is obviously not a direct knockoff but for $14? It works! PLUS
not only is there a $188 difference between these suits, SheIn does 6% cash back through eBates (ps they have a new Chrome plugin that is SO HELPFUL. I don't have to remember to go through eBates, there's just a little pop-up while I shop that says "Oh hey, you can get 3% cashback if you buy something here, want to do that?" YES). I've never ordered from them but I'm tempted.\

Hope you're enjoying your summer! If you've been watching my IG stories you know we're surviving-not-thriving over here (5 more weeks until school starts!!!!!!!) but no one has murdered anyone yet so we're counting that as a success!

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Friday, June 2, 2017

ThirdLove, True & Co, Lively & Naja: An Unsponsored Bra Review

None of this is sponsored. I paid for everything with my own money and these companies don't know who I am. This is an honest, unpaid review of ThirdLove, Lively, Naja and True & Co. However, there are affiliate links in this post. Which means if you click and end up buying something I get a small perk- usually a few bucks toward a new bra. Which I wouldn't hate.




If you're a girl with boobs then odds are good your FB ads are like 75% bra ads lately. There are quite a few newish underwear companies trying to make their mark, including ThirdLove, Lively, True & Co. and Naja.

After the Caboose was born I went to Nordstrom and had a bra fitting. The lady blew my mind and I came out with like $150 in new bras in a size I most definitely did not realize I was.

EXCEPT.

Then I joined the gym. And my body burned my boobs for fuel right off the bat (my belly is the LAST place it's going for energy stores, of course) so those pretty bras I bought? Don't remotely fit anymore.

I found some bralettes at Target that I liked. They're great, I've worn them almost exclusively for over a year. They're quite comfortable and keep what little I've got in place and I can't really complain. Except for the part where they look and fit like training bras and sometimes I want a grown-up bra that is a bit more flattering.

What I've been wearing


The bummer about finding bras when you've got not-a-lot-up-top is that they tend to make you look...weird. Pointy or all smooshed or some other configuration that just isn't flattering. Bra shopping is usually rather demoralizing for me.

So I decided to go on the hunt for a new bra via online routes (better my bedroom mirror with natural light than the unflattering yellow lights and dirty carpet of a dressing room, right?). I gave all four brands that have been taking over my FB feed a try and, obviously, documented my experience here for you lovelies.

ThirdLove



K, immediate thing I LOVE about ThirdLove- their "Try Before Buying" program. Basically, you just pay for shipping. If you don't return it after 30 days then they charge your credit card for the full amount. Considering how much I shelled out for the other bras, this was a bit of a relief.

I took the boob quiz and it recommended I try the 24/7 T-shirt bra so that's what I ordered (and I tried to find equivalents in the other brands for comparison sake). The bra retails for $68, though I just paid the $2.99 shipping to try it out first.

Blurry armpit spillage


Unfortunately, I'm not sure ThirdLove is suited to my shape, though I'm also not totally confident I got the right size. The downside of ThirdLove is that they make recommendations based on the fit of whatever bra you're currently wearing. Except...I wear bralettes that go off of a generic small/med/large situation. There's no band size or cup size for me to work with. Even their "bra size chart" asks you to use your current bra. I ended up ordering based on a guess from my previous bra and apparently it wasn't quite right.

T-shirt Test: Meh. Doesn't do my boobs any favors, really.



I retook their boob quiz a few different times and changed my answers and it kept recommending the same bra (or the padded version of the same bra). It's possible another size would have fit me perfectly but it's also possible that Third Love just isn't right for me. But, with their $2.99 try-on, you really don't have much to lose by giving them a shot!


Lively



I ordered two bras from Lively- the t-shirt bra (so I could compare to the ThirdLove bra) and the Deep V No-Wire. There's a discount if you buy multiple bras and the discount deepens the more you buy so my two $35 bras ended up being $27.50 apiece. Even without the discount, though, Lively is by far the cheapest of the 4 brands.

I'd also argue that they've got the prettiest packaging. Millenial pink with foil inlays and a pretty card when you open the box. Presentation matters to me- if you're spending $50 on something then receiving it should be a pleasant experience and Lively nailed it.

The Deep V No-Wire was a definite no, which made me sad because I love the look of it. But it pulled weird after I put it on and created an odd indentation.

???


The t-shirt bra was fine. A perfectly serviceable bra but it wasn't THE ONE, even though I did think the back was really pretty.

Hello, Las Vegas sunburn

I will admit that I spent some time after trying on those two bras going through their website again and bookmarking a few other bras I'd like to try. The price is right and I like their branding- I'd like to see if there's anything else they've got that I might LOVE.

T-shirt Test: Not terrible but not amazing either. Just...fine.




Naja



Naja should win an award just for being the prettiest. I've actually taken screenshots of their ads in the past because their stuff was so pretty and I wanted to remember the brand when I was in the market for a bra.

I mean, honestly.
However they get immediate points off for a few things: when you click their "size chart" it doesn't bring up a BRA size chart. Which is...not useful. Also, when you give them your email address you get a 10% off code. My code did not work.

I've always wanted a tattoo. This almost does the trick.


I got the Isabel Sparrow Bra because A. it was pretty and B. it was in their "t-shirt bra" category. I paid the full price of $65 (side eye at my non-working 10% off code).

Fortunately, despite a sort of wild guess at my size, the bra fit quite well. It was also SO PRETTY. The band is made of several layers of stretchy mesh (think pantyhose type material) so it conformed really nicely to my back instead of cutting into my back fat, which is what bras often do.

T-shirt Test: I mean, other than the obviously problematic "black bra under a white tee" thing, it works! I'm not smooshed or shaped weird. It makes me look like I have SOME boobs without any padding. It's a good bra.




True & Co.




True & Co's True Body bra ($49) looks like a more grown-up version of the bralettes I've already been wearing so I placed an order. I took their quiz and it didn't recommend their t-shirt bra. I debated and ended up getting one they did recommend- the Alice Easy Fit Pullover ($48). I didn't want to order the t-shirt bra and then hate it because, hello, they told me not to get it in the first place. Didn't seem fair to the brand, I guess? Anyway, the Alice bra was good (I love the mesh detail on the straps) but ultimately it was essentially a fancy sports bra and I have plenty of those.



In retrospect, I should have gotten the Gramercy Balconette, which they also recommended, because it would have been a better analog for the other bras I tried. Oh well.



As I pulled on the True Body bra I thought, "Yeah I won't keep this, it's almost exactly like my nude brale- HOLY CRAP THIS IS THE MOST COMFORTABLE BRA I'VE EVER WORN." I immediately sent a deeply unflattering half-naked mirror selfie to a couple friends who I'd discussed this bra with before- we'd seen the ad and were like, "maybe? maybe too uni-boobish?"and I told them they needed to try it after all. There's no underwire, which I generally prefer, but it doesn't squish my boobs into oblivion. The way its constructed is so smooooth. It basically disappeared beneath my clothes. This is pretty much the perfect bra to wear under close-fitting tops.

T-shirt Test: Basically invisible. Good shape. My fav bra of the bunch.



One downside:



The shape makes it non-tank-top-friendly. And I wear a lot of tank-tops in the warmer months. I would have kept it (and possibly ordered a couple other colors!) if not for this one detail.


After a lot of internal debate I sent them ALL back. However, both Lively and True & Co. were close enough that I'm going to order a couple other bras from each brand and see if I can land on something I really love.

The search continues!


Edited to add info about returns:

ThirdLove: Just had to hop on their website, answer a few brief questions about my return and they emailed me a return label. I slapped it on the original box. Easy!

True & Co: Not only did they include a return shipping label but they ALSO included an envelope to send my returns back in. Seriously, this company is so good.

Lively: They included a shipping label with the original shipment which I just put on the original box. They also want you to do a step on the website where you mark what you're keeping and what you're returning but it was glitchy for me and I ended up having to contact customer service.

Naja: Website has NO return info aside from stating that there's a 15 day (!) return window. I did some googling and found a LOT of reviews saying that Naja is super sketchy and their customer service is nonexistent. I ended up just printing a label through PayPal and sending it back to the address it originally came from. Crossing fingers. I'll update this to let you know if that works.
EDIT 6/15/2017: my return to Naja processed just fine AND I got an email from their customer service thanking me for my post and letting me know they've fixed the size chart issue and are not sure what happened with my 10% off code but they double checked it and it seemed to be working fine. They're working to make returns easier and to make sure customer support is more regular. So, good things from Naja! I actually think I might order from them again but more with a "this is lingerie" mindset rather than "this is an everyday bra" attitude. They also offered to send me one of their gorgeous bralettes- obviously I will report back.

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