Monday, June 22, 2015
If You Take a Girl to Dinner
If you take a girl to dinner,
she's probably going to ask for a glass of water.
When you give her the water,
she'll likely request a pitcher of water for the table because she's the thirsty type.
When she's finished with dinner, she'll go to the bathroom.
Then she'll jump in the back seat of the car with her friend to chat for the 35 minute drive home.
About 20 minutes in, she might realize she needs to pee again.
She'll think she can hold it for 15 more minutes.
When she realizes she can't because baby number 3 decimated her bladder, she'll awkwardly ask you to pull over.
She'll run off into the desert.
She'll pee in the desert before God, the moon and some very understanding friends.
When she's mid-pee she may realize that she's stepping on a cactus.
While extricating herself she'll accidentally pee a little on her favorite moccasins.
When she gets back to the car she might realize that her shoes are also covered in cactus spines.
She'll take off her pee and cactus encrusted moccasins only to discover that her foot has some cactus spines as well.
Which means she'll need
She'll probably ask you to just take her home.
When she gets home and removes all the cactus spines she'll feel much better.
The next morning she'll take a closer look at her favorite moccasins and realize they are ruined but she can't bear to throw them away.
She'll stick them on the back patio and feel sad.
Because you love her, you'll get her a glass of water.
And to soothe her battered pride,
you should probably take her to dinner.
(She'll have to wear different shoes, though).