Freckles in April: Things I Write at 4:07 AM

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Things I Write at 4:07 AM

I'm so attuned to my baby's noises that the second she starts to squirm and whimper I'm wide awake. I slit my eyes at the clock and see that it's 3:52 AM. It has only been 2 hours since she last ate. Exhaustion presses my head into my pillow- I can feel it like a literal weight crushing into the planes of my face trying to force me into getting the sleep my run-down body so desperately needs. The whimpers coming through the monitor quickly turn to wails so I wrestle out of the blankets and flail down the hall, trying to get to her before she can wake her brothers or her dad.



I feel equal parts annoyance (awake again? Really?) and gut-wrenching mama love as I pull her out of her crib, sniff her lavender scented head, and settle into the rocking chair. This baby is my worst sleeper and not a particularly good nurser. Her hunger is a frantic, angry sort of thing, even after we've added formula and bottles to the mix. I often joke that she goes from 0 to starving in less than 60 seconds. Despite her firm belief that she is wasting away from neglect she falls asleep almost immediately after latching on. I sigh and begin our routine in which I spend 30 minutes prodding my baby, reminding her that she's hungry and needs to eat so I can go back to bed. She fills her belly in fits and starts while I let my mind wander, desperately trying to stay awake.


She reminds me of a glow worm, I think sleepily. Bald, wiggly and incandescently beautiful. It's a comparison that makes me laugh in the morning but there's some truth to it. Whenever I set her down during the day I inevitably come back to find at least one of the males in our home trying to coax a smile or giggle out of her. We're all drawn to her sweet baby glow. She smiles with her whole body, from the wrinkle at the bridge of her nose to her wide open gummy grin to her joyous wiggling toes. She often gets pulled from the dark and quiet of her bedroom to finish her nap in the car as we ferry her brothers around and she rarely complains about it. She's a snuggler- my first! We can't get enough.

I spent many years quite happy in my role as Queen of All in our home. For her, I happily concede my throne and my sleep. She's worth it.




Other things I've written in other places this week:

How My Marriage Survived my Change of Faith

Five Things to Know for First Time Home Sellers




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5 comments:

  1. Daaaah! I die. She's just so....perfect. I mean, a wiggly handful, for sure, but absolutely perfect. That pic of your boys fawning over her is so sweet!

    xox

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  2. These pictures are so lovely. :)

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  3. Beautiful words, and beautiful photos.

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  4. I love this and she is precious. I never know how moms deal with the intense lack of sleep -- it's some kind of special magic. Probably black magic sometimes.

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  5. Awe, I am a new mommy to a baby girl. I had to laugh reading this post. I nurse and we too laugh at our baby's patience or lack there of when it comes to meals. She is a professional at "Hangry." Congratulations on your baby!!!!

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